Happy Festivus

I got a lot of Grievances with all of you!

If you hate tinsel and love “Seinfeld,” Festivus is already the perfect holiday for you.

Popularized by the show in 1997, the anti-consumerism holiday is celebrated by “Seinfeld” fans every December 23.

And it doesn’t take much to get into the Festivus mood. Just follow these five steps.

1. Get a Festivus pole

Search your home for an aluminum pole. It has to be aluminum because you want it to have “very high strength-to-weight ratio” as Frank Costanza says. Decorations are distracting, so leave the pole in its plain and unadorned beauty.

Sure, you can buy your own Festivus pole, from places such as FestivusPoles.com, but it’s really better if you make your own. Non-commercial is the true spirit of Festivus.

2. Prepare a Festivus dinner

Meatloaf is key to stay true to the “Seinfeld” episode. It should rest on top of a bed of lettuce to celebrate Festivus in the appropriate fashion.

3. Air your grievances

At the beginning of the Festivus dinner, force all your guests to listen to all the times they’ve disappointed you this year. It’s a really healthy ritual. Even Sen. Rand Paul has tried it.

4. Join in the Feats of Strength

As the host, you’ll want to test your strength and wrestle one of your guests. After all, the two of you did just enjoy a very protein-filled dinner.

Festivus is not considered over until the host is pinned to the floor. A guest can only decline the challenge if he or she has something more important to do, such as working a double shift.

5. Call all slightly non-routine events ‘Festivus miracles’

You carried all your groceries into the house in one trip. You took the subway for the first time, and it didn’t smell. You ran into your friend you’ve been meaning to call at a local coffee shop.

All these are excellent examples of “Festivus miracles.” Be sure to exclaim loudly and proudly when you realize it is such.